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Mushroom Cloud in the Midwest
Proudly lesbianing full-time since 2004.
Dyke Thoughts

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    oh shit, uh-oh
    It seems that on Saturday, while in Paxil mania, I posted on CCM that I wanted to put together a band and asked my friends (most of whom are already in seventeen bands) to come play with a singer whose experience amounts to drunken karaoke and lullabies. Oddly enough, they volunteered. So now I have to figure out how not to make an ass of myself. Wait, scratch that. I'm totally going to make an ass of myself, but not because I suck. I'm blaming Venus. She keeps telling me I can sing, and seems to think that since I'm not afraid of the stage, I should be on it. I can't argue with that. Especially since I've been craving it. I still want to do burlesque, but my ankle is still kinda jacked, and I have no idea how long it will be before I can really do what I want to do. I won't be half-assing it, that's for sure. Nor will I half-ass this band thing. I really want to make music. I always have, but it isn't easy for me like dancing was. So here's the plan: Lo (bless her heart) is going to give me some vocal coaching cds, and I'm going to drive my kids nuts. Meanwhile, I'm going to write as constantly as the cramps in my wrists will allow. Not just songs - because I don't really know how to write songs - but stories, blog posts, stream-of-conciousness babble, whatever. I'm going to work on the monkeys-with-typewriter's-esque [Oof. That was a little rough, wasn't it?] notion that if I write enough crap there might be a few jewels somewhere in it. Then I will do the best I can and lean heavily on the band, who actually have things like experience. And talent.

    I hope the boys are prepared to cover this. (Rearranged, of course... but I would totally wear that dress.)

    11th-Mar-2008 04:02 pm - Terrorism not as bad as homos.


    Wow.  Sorry, toast - I won't be joining you for any OKey trips again any time soon.
    7th-Mar-2008 01:56 pm - Wait, Obama's black?

    From the "Are you fucking kidding me?" file: http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/03/04/questions-raised-whether-hillary-ad-darkened-obama/

    Apparently, Obama supporters are all in a tizzy because the Clinton campaign supposedly doctored video to make Obama look more black in one of their commercials.  See it for yourself here, and the original video here.

    My first question is, what exactly would be the point of making a black candidate look blacker?  Was someone in doubt about Obama's race?  Last time I checked, racists don't care so much about the hue.  I'm pretty sure that one ad making him look darker than he is isn't going to change anybody's mind about voting for him.  "OMG!  He's blacker than I thought!  I can't vote for a really black guy!"  That's just stupid.  And Hillary is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them.

    My second question is, didn't Hils look a little darker than usual in that ad too?  Maybe she'll get more votes with a tan?

    Whichever one gets the nomination, come September I fully expect to see video of McCain looking like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.


    Last night, I saw a spot for this story on the news, and I was pumped - I love trannies, you know.  So, since they always lead with a bunch of crap that either I don't care about or makes me cry and show the spot stories later in the broadcast, I set off to make some nachos.  I took my meds, settled into bed with my nachos (shut up), and said "Bring on the tranny!" (If I had a nickel...)  But much to my dismay, they must have shown it early, because I watched the whole rest of the damn show and NO TRANNIES.  Much thanks to Chris over at Daily Briefs for putting somewhere where I would find it.

    The gist of it, in case you're not into clicking, is that a woman who is still a man is being charged with perjury for claiming to be a man on her marriage license so she could marry her wife.  Confused yet?  Well, you should have clicked - they explain things better than I do.  Apparently, Michelle (who was "Michael" for 56 "miserable" years) has not had the actual surgery, but has filed the necessary paperwork for gender reassignment.  After that was already done, she decided to marry a woman and got a marriage license saying she's a man - that's still what her driver's license says too, so it wasn't a problem.  Only it became a problem real fast when, after the wedding, she was arrested for perjury.

    I'm certain the issue here is that some asshole is afraid that if they let her get away with it, it will set some sort of precedent that will force the state to recognize gay marriage.  As usual, the religious right is prevailing with their twisted logic.  The whole thing is so stupid... then again, if you really want to be a lesbian, which evidently she does if she wants to live as a woman, you ought to expect to take on the same problems as the rest of us.  I guess.  Hmmm.

    25th-Feb-2008 01:03 pm - More evidence of my supposed ADD
    Neurodiversity quiz  (Thanks to chinaskifor the link)

    Your neurodiversity (Aspie) score: 69 of 200
    Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 149 of 200
    You are very likely neurotypical

    Diagnostic prediction for Score Prediction
    ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) 130 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
    Bipolar 58 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
    OCD 45 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
    Social phobia 44 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
    Dyslexia 40 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
    Asperger/HFA/PDD 21 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek

    I have no interest in receiving an official diagnosis, as the only point would be to get meds, and I'm anti.  It's really interesting to me though that I'm 30 years old and never even suspected that I might have ADD until last year.  It's also a little disheartening to think that I'm probably the reason my kid has it.  I need to do some research on non-medical management... I'm fairly functional, but it couldn't hurt to work on it anyway, especially if Jason and I can learn together. 

    Edited to add: Further research (using this ADD subtype test) has indicated that I very probably have the Inattentive Type ADD and probably limbic system hyperactivity.  From the results page:

    "ADD Inattentive Type

    The onset of these symptoms often become apparent later in child-hood or early adolescence. The brighter the individual, the later symptoms seem to become a problem. The symptoms must be present for at least six months and not be related to a depressive episode or the onset of marijuana usage. Using marijuana can often make a person seem as though they have ADD without hyperactivity. It is important to screen for pot usage in teen-agers or adults.

    Girls with ADD are frequently missed because they are more likely to have the non-hyperactive form.

    The severity of the disorder is rated as mild, moderate or severe. Even though these children have many of the same symptoms of the people with AD/HD, they are not hyperactive and may appear hypoactive. Additional symptoms for this subtype include: excessive daydreaming, frequent complaints of being bored, appearing apathetic or unmotivated, appearing frequently sluggish or slow moving or appearing spacey or internally preoccupied -- the classic "couch potato."

    Most people with this form of ADD are never diagnosed. They do not exhibit enough symptoms that "grate" on the environment to cause others to seek help for them. Yet, they often experience severe disability from the disorder. Instead of help, they get labeled as willful, uninterested, or defiant.

    As with the ADD combined type, brain studies in patients with ADD, inattentive subtype reveal a decrease in brain activity in the frontal lobes of the brain in response to an intellectual challenge. Again, it seems that the harder these people try to concentrate, the worse it gets. ADD, inattentive subtype is often very responsive to stimulant medications, such as Ritalin (methylphenidate), Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine), Cylert (magnesium pemoline), Desoxyn (methamphetamine), and Adderal (a combination of amphetamine salts). These medications "turn on" the frontal lobes and prevent brain shutdown, allowing a person to have more access to this part of their brain. "

    "Limbic System Hyperactivity

    The limbic system lies near the center of the brain. It is about the size of a walnut. This is the part of the brain that sets a person's emotional tone or how positive or negative you are. The limbic system also affects motivation and drive. It helps get you going in the morning and encourages you to move throughout the day. It controls the sleep and appetite cycles of the body. It affects the bonding mechanism that enables you to connect with other people on a social level; your ability to do this successfully in turn influences your moods.

    Mood problems often occur when the limbic system of the brain is overactive. Clinical depression, manic-depressive disorder and severe PMS are more severe problems than the garden variety most people experience in the form of bad moods. For complete healing to take place, the addition of antidepressant medication or appropriate herbal treatment may be needed. A sure sign that the prescribed medications are really treating the depression is that the deep limbic system activity normalizes. Whenever limbic activity normalizes, there is a corresponding decrease in the patient's symptoms. "

    This actually explains a lot of things, and the site also says that this type of ADD is very common with Fibromyalgia.  It gives some suggestions for diet and supplements that I'm going to talk to my doctor about.
      Who knows, maybe my neurotic ass isn't beyond help after all...
    22nd-Feb-2008 02:04 pm - Watch your trailers.
    I have a nasty cold or sinus infection or something, for which I'm taking cold medicine, which seems to exacerbate my ADD something fierce.  I could hardly concentrate long enough to tie my shoes this morning.  I had this conversation with my girlfriend yesterday:

    Me: "My desk is a distaster.  I'm like a human tornado today."

    Amy: "It's cute that you think it's just today."


    Oh.  Right.
    11th-Feb-2008 11:54 am - In which I steam up your screen.
    Over the weekend I did a little modeling for the most insanely hot photographer/probation officer the world has ever known, Miss Mariha Krowas.  These are just the pre-print digitals - she still wants to work some darkroom magic on them - but I'm impatient so I'm sharing now.  Check it:

    Screw a little black dress - a tux jacket & fishnets is now my go-to party outfit.  Fo' truth.
    30th-Jan-2008 05:01 pm - The Gaseous State of the Union, pt. 2
    Read pt. 1 here.

    When we left off, G-Dub’s lips were flapping about stem cell research. Let’s skip over the bit about judicial nominees and faith-based charities (just assume I found some witty way to express my disgust) and move right on to this gem:

    Every member in this chamber knows that spending on entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid is growing faster than we can afford. We all know the painful choices ahead if America stays on this path: massive tax increases, sudden and drastic cuts in benefits, or crippling deficits.

    Unlike the deficits created by the Iraq war. Those hurt in good way.
    The other pressing challenge is immigration. America needs to secure our borders -- and with your help, my administration is taking steps to do so. We're increasing worksite enforcement, deploying fences and advanced technologies to stop illegal crossings.
    Deploying fences? Are they standing ready, awaiting orders?
    This is the business of our nation here at home. Yet building a prosperous future for our citizens also depends on confronting enemies abroad and advancing liberty in troubled regions of the world.
    Oh boy, here it comes…
    Our foreign policy is based on a clear premise: We trust that people, when given the chance, will choose a future of freedom and peace.
    Do we? Do we trust that? Because if we do, we are some delusional, naïve honkys. If that’s true, who the fuck are we fighting over there?
    On a clear September day, we saw thousands of our fellow citizens taken from us in an instant.
    Actually it seemed to me to take a while. Is it possible that you have forgotten the image of those people jumping out windows, choosing death from impact over burning? Because I can’t seem to bleach it from my brain no matter how hard I try. Could you tell me your secret, please?
    We are engaged in the defining ideological struggle of the 21st century. The terrorists oppose every principle of humanity and decency that we hold dear.
    Yes, like forcing our lifestyle and ideals on the whole world. Oh wait, we have that in common.
    Yet in this war on terror, there is one thing we and our enemies agree on: In the long run, men and women who are free to determine their own destinies will reject terror and refuse to live in tyranny.
    Make that two things. See above.
    And that is why the terrorists are fighting to deny this choice to the people in Lebanon, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and the Palestinian Territories. And that is why, for the security of America and the peace of the world, we are spreading the hope of freedom.
    Hello, circular argument!
    In Afghanistan, America, our 25 NATO allies, and 15 partner nations are helping the Afghan people defend their freedom and rebuild their country. Thanks to the courage of these military and civilian personnel, a nation that was once a safe haven for al Qaeda is now a young democracy where boys and girls are going to school, new roads and hospitals are being built, and people are looking to the future with new hope.
    When we met last year, al Qaeda had sanctuaries in many areas of Iraq, and their leaders had just offered American forces safe passage out of the country. Today, it is al Qaeda that is searching for safe passage. They have been driven from many of the strongholds they once held, and over the past year, we've captured or killed thousands of extremists in Iraq, including hundreds of key al Qaeda leaders and operatives.
    And yet Osama Bin Laden continues releasing new videos as though he has more subscribers than Girls Gone Wild… and he probably does.
    The mission in Iraq has been difficult and trying for our nation. But it is in the vital interest of the United States that we succeed. A free Iraq will deny al Qaeda a safe haven.
    Because Iraq is the only place they could possibly hide. Obviously.
    We must do the difficult work today, so that years from now people will look back and say that this generation rose to the moment, prevailed in a tough fight, and left behind a more hopeful region and a safer America.
    Translation: “I really need this to work, so I look like a hero in the history books.”
    In the past six years, we've stopped numerous attacks, including a plot to fly a plane into the tallest building in Los Angeles and another to blow up passenger jets bound for America over the Atlantic. Dedicated men and women in our government toil day and night to stop the terrorists from carrying out their plans. These good citizens are saving American lives, and everyone in this chamber owes them our thanks. (Applause.)
    And we owe them something more: We owe them the tools they need to keep our people safe. And one of the most important tools we can give them is the ability to monitor terrorist communications. To protect America, we need to know who the terrorists are talking to, what they are saying, and what they're planning. Last year, Congress passed legislation to help us do that. Unfortunately, Congress set the legislation to expire on February the 1st. That means if you don't act by Friday, our ability to track terrorist threats would be weakened and our citizens will be in greater danger. Congress must ensure the flow of vital intelligence is not disrupted. Congress must pass liability protection for companies believed to have assisted in the efforts to defend America. We've had ample time for debate. The time to act is now.

    America opposes genocide in Sudan. (Applause.) We support freedom in countries from Cuba and Zimbabwe to Belarus and Burma. (Applause.)

    Yeah? What are we doing to help? Oh, that’s right… we’re too busy “helping” people that didn’t ask for or want our help.
    America is leading the fight against global hunger. Today, more than half the world's food aid comes from the United States. And tonight, I ask Congress to support an innovative proposal to provide food assistance by purchasing crops directly from farmers in the developing world, so we can build up local agriculture and help break the cycle of famine.
    Last time I checked, some 38 million Americans were “food insecure.” Shouldn’t they be the priority? (For the record, I think that second sentence might actually be a good idea. Weird.)
    When the Federal Convention met in Philadelphia in 1787, our nation was bound by the Articles of Confederation, which began with the words, "We the undersigned delegates." When Gouverneur Morris was asked to draft a preamble to our new Constitution, he offered an important revision and opened with words that changed the course of our nation and the history of the world: "We the people."
    By trusting the people, our Founders wagered that a great and noble nation could be built on the liberty that resides in the hearts of all men and women. By trusting the people, succeeding generations transformed our fragile young democracy into the most powerful nation on Earth and a beacon of hope for millions. And so long as we continue to trust the people, our nation will prosper, our liberty will be secure, and the state of our Union will remain strong.
    Hey, what was that sound? Oh. I think it was Al Gore’s head exploding.
    And so concludes my coverage of GWB’s final SOTU. It is worth noting, I think, that when I started this yesterday, I actually got about 1/3 of the way through it before I realized that I was looking at the 2005 SOTU transcript… I’m not sure whether that says more about me or the address, but either way it’s disturbing.
    29th-Jan-2008 04:59 pm - The Gaseous State of the Union, pt.1
    As I’m sure you know, if for no other reason than that you didn’t get your weekly dose of David Caruso because of it, last night our fearless (and witless) leader made his final State of the Union Address. Since local gal Kathleen Sebelius frittered away a golden opportunity to tear him a new one, cooing about cross-party make-out sessions and repeatedly urging the lame duck to “get to work” (that’s TOTALLY gonna happen), I feel the urge to give my own sort of Democratic response (well, Independent technically, but we all know I’m a lefty when it counts.)  I’m not going to reprint the whole thing here (if you want that, you can go to: http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2008/01/20080128-13.html), but rather pick out a few choice nuggets to comment on. Here we go – GWB in bold, and my commentary in italics.
    And together, we showed the world the power and resilience of American self-government.
    Um, we did? Because I’m pretty sure that most of the world still thinks you’re a jackass, at best.
    At kitchen tables across our country, there is a concern about our economic future.
    But only at kitchen tables. At Wal-Mart, the future is  always sunny and bright.
    So last week, my administration reached agreement with Speaker Pelosi and Republican Leader Boehner on a robust growth package that includes tax relief for individuals and families and incentives for business investment. The temptation will be to load up the bill. That would delay it or derail it, and neither option is acceptable. (Applause.) This is a good agreement that will keep our economy growing and our people working. And this Congress must pass it as soon as possible.
    Why? No one has yet been able to explain to me why they must pass it ASAP. The IRS can’t deal with it until at least May anyway, so what is the mad fucking rush?
    Unless Congress acts, most of the tax relief we've delivered over the past seven years will be taken away. Some in Washington argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800. Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome their enthusiasm. I'm pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders.
    Oh, G-Dub! You so crazy! You don’t need to ‘splain it to me – I understand. I guess this high school dropout must just be way smarter than all those college edumacated middle-class taxpayers you’re talking about. The IRS takes checks? Really? Hey, you know I’m just a dumb poor person, but it seems to me that instead of us sending them checks, they could just not send us those checks you were talking about a minute ago. Just sayin’.
    Next week, I'll send you a budget that terminates or substantially reduces 151 wasteful or bloated programs, totaling more than $18 billion.
    Oh dear, I'm having a bit of deja-vu... yes, here it is - from the 2005 State of the Union: " My budget substantially reduces or eliminates more than 150 government programs that are not getting results, or duplicate current efforts, or do not fulfill essential priorities."  Hmmm.  Well, it worked so well the last time...
    So I have proposed ending the bias in the tax code against those who do not get their health insurance through their employer. This one reform would put private coverage within reach for millions, and I call on the Congress to pass it this year.
    Yeah, because all the starving artists I know don’t have health insurance because of the TAX CODE. That’ll fix it for sure.
    We must also do more to help children when their schools do not measure up. Thanks to the D.C. Opportunity Scholarships you approved, more than 2,600 of the poorest children in our Nation's Capital have found new hope at a faith-based or other non-public school. Sadly, these schools are disappearing at an alarming rate in many of America's inner cities. So I will convene a White House summit aimed at strengthening these lifelines of learning. And to open the doors of these schools to more children, I ask you to support a new $300 million program called Pell Grants for Kids. We have seen how Pell Grants help low-income college students realize their full potential. Together, we've expanded the size and reach of these grants. Now let us apply that same spirit to help liberate poor children trapped in failing public schools.
    OK, I have to admit that I’m a little torn on this. My brain says “NO! That is a stupid idea that makes it unlikely if not impossible that the public school systems will pull themselves up to par!”… But, I’m the mother of a brilliant child who is currently in a failing school district that is clearly keeping him from reaching his full potential. And as a mother, I am utterly selfish for the good of my child… and I would love to be able to afford to put him in a good school, which isn’t possible for us right now. Vouchers are terrible for the greater good, but would sure be great for my family.
    And as we explore promising avenues of research, we must also ensure that all life is treated with the dignity it deserves. And so I call on Congress to pass legislation that bans unethical practices such as the buying, selling, patenting, or cloning of human life.
    I’m sorry – I know I’m going to take some flak for this, but I just don’t comprehend how a few cells in a dish deserve the same “dignity” as a fully formed human. Hey, here’s a thought – why don’t you focus that energy on stopping the buying and selling of ACTUAL PEOPLE.
    That’s approximately half. I’ll have to finish it tomorrow, because I’m suddenly feeling the urge to throw up, and also because I’m doing this at work and it’s time to go home.
    24th-Jan-2008 02:59 pm - What a difference 8 years makes.
    oh shit, uh-oh
    I just ran into a girl I used to party with, working at the Dollar Store.  At least, I'm pretty sure it was her - she's aged about twenty years in the past 8.  I didn't recognize her until I saw her name tag, then it suddenly snapped into place... which is funny because if I had thought about her this morning I wouldn't have been able to remember her real name.  I always called her Mango, and I was Bubblegum.  (Her roommate was Peaches, but that was really her name.)  I wanted to talk to her, but I was afraid to.  I know how much damage that scene did to my life (or how much I damaged my life in that scene, more accurately) and she was just sinking further into it as I was getting out.  I think the last time I saw her was the night I took too much GHB and was woken up by paramedics and firefighters in the passenger seat of my dead car on the shoulder of I-35.  That was a good nap, and pretty much the end of my drug phase.  I think I heard that Mango's kids were taken away from her around that time, and I'm pretty sure she was dating a dealer that got popped a while later.  Part of me wants to go back and scream "Mango!  How the fuck are you?"... 

    But I thought I saw a faint spark of recognition in her eyes a moment before I left, and she didn't say a word either.
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